Five Years

It's been five years today that Grandma went to Heaven. That is a CRAZY number to me. I think about her every single day. I miss her every single day. I need her every single day.

This book I wrote is about when you don't understand life and how easy it is to lose hope and faith when you lose someone you think you can't do life without. Five years ago, that happened to me, and five years ago I found out the hard way that through the darkest and coldest of days, God is faithful. Five years ago, I stood in front of a casket holding the hand of the dearest person on Earth to me and said goodbye, and in that moment knew, I wasn't alone, even though I had never felt more enveloped in loneliness. Grandma was the one who led me to the place where hope is stored up and given out. Yes, I miss her every day, but I could not be more grateful for the years I had with her. What she did for my life, and continues to do, can't be measured.

I knew that my step-dad had taken some pictures during those days right after we lost her. I knew they existed, but I had never really looked at them. Last week, I decided I wanted to see them and asked him to send them to me. When they came across my computer screen, I literally froze. The images were hard to see, yes, but also were such a reminder to me of God's faithfulness and that His strength truly is perfect when ours is gone. And mine was completely gone.

I don't know how I stood at her side at the funeral home and held her hand for over an hour. I could have actually stopped that sentence at, "I don't know how I stood." But I did. Matt told me that I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay there with her. I don't remember that, but I do remember looking down at her, studying every feature of her face and hands, trying to make sure I didn't forget anything. And I don't think I have. But what I am certain of is that, He stood there with me. With all of us.





I finished my edits today. August 31st. The book is out of my hands and will be in someone else's tonight. I wish it could be her's, but what a fitting day for me to finish. August 31st. I did not plan it this way. But there are no coincidences.

Jeb goes to KDO

Today is Jeb's first day of Kids' Day Out. (Click here to see him last year on his first day.) I ADORE that baby boy, but have LOVED my morning alone. It's been a long time....

So far I have gone to the gym and battled the elliptical, showered without worrying about what's going on in the living room, and started this blog post. Next on my list... finish editing, fold laundry, go get the boy. It's going to be a good day.

Here are some shots of him getting ready to "go 'cool and see my priends." (Does that need interpreting? Surely not.) What ever will we do next year when he starts the Shiloh three year old program and we have to cut his hair? As Scarlett says, I'll think about that tomorrow.

G-Pops and the Ice Cream

A few weeks ago, Matt's dad told me about a little contest they were having at his work... a little company based here in Northwest Arkansas. You may have heard of it.

I don't know the proper terminology, but some of the "big bosses" were asked to submit a recipe for homemade ice cream, then make it and serve it to the employees. The employees would then vote, and a winner would be selected.

Knowing how much we love do to homemade ice cream, Matt's dad, aka G-Pops, asked me if I would help him out. I agreed, and all this week, Jeb and I have been making ice cream. I decided to come up with a recipe that would be an automatic hit, Oreo Caramel Pecan. I mean, how can you go wrong?

We made two huge containers. Warning, you may gain a pound or two just by looking at the following picture.

Gigi, Jeb, and I went to Tyson today to help serve and cheer on Team G-Pops.



It was a huge turn out, and the competition was fierce. There was quite a bit of bantering among the various contestants, but in the end...

WE WON! Yay, Team G-Pops!

Here is the recipe if you are interested. We received a lot of compliments and oohs and ahhs. Definitely a keeper.

Homemade Oreo Caramel Pecan Ice Cream

Mix together 4 cups half and half, one can sweetened condensed milk, and a teaspoon of vanilla and add to ice cream machine.

When almost done, add 1 1/2 cups crushed Oreos and 2/3 cup chopped pecans. Set in freezer for an hour. Take out and transfer to freezer safe container, layering ice cream with a layer of caramel sauce. (Caramel sauce recipe found here.) Then top with more caramel sauce, Oreos, and nuts.

Seriously, it might just be to die for. Thanks to everyone at Tyson who voted for us! We had a lot of fun.

My A1c rocks.

High fives all around. I got a great report today at my endocrinologist's, who, by the way, is around my age and just a super cool guy. I love it when a doctor talks to you non-doctorly. (My blog. I can make up words if I want.)

For example, that night in February when he diagnosed me with Type 1 diabetes, I sort of needed a second to 'collect' myself from the news. And he very cooly told us, "It's ok to be upset. Don't be all tough. This sucks. I know. It just sucks. But you're going to be ok." Matt and I don't know what we would have done without him through all this.

Ok, back to the appointment. I rocked. He said I am doing great with the pump. My infusion sites look great (sounds scary) and my numbers were awesome. When I was diagnosed, my A1c level was off the chart, and the chart went to 13. Today, it was 6.1. A 6.5 is considered excellent. In other words, I got an A+.

If you're wondering what A1c is, it's also called hemoglobin A1c, and is a blood test that measures the level of glycosolated hemoglobin in a person's blood. That totally cleared it up, didn't it? Long story short, A1c levels correspond to a blood sugar levels.

So my 6.1 A1c level indicates that for the past 3 months, my blood sugar levels averaged about 135. Yay, me. I was so glad to be given a thumbs up. Dr. M was right. This disease does suck, but it does not control me. Not even close.

Now, on to tackle the nap mat.

Wednesday Randomness

Random thoughts on a Wednesday...

1.) Jeb's nap mat isn't going to make itself. He has to have it by Monday, and I need to tackle it asap. I'll let you know how it turns out. Matt told me, "He's a boy! Just send him with the blue and red plastic mat." GASP! He knew by my reaction that what he said was REEE-DIC-U-LOUS.

2.) I go see my endocrinologist tomorrow. It will be my first appointment since getting my pump. I'm hoping he tells me my numbers are rockin'. I'll let you know about that, too. I've been trying so hard to be a good little diabetic.

3.) I should finish my book edits by Friday, and when I do... I'm going to tackle our bathroom. I'm hoping to take our cabinets from this...

... to something like THIS. I love how my kitchen turned out. I hope the finished product on the bathroom cabinets make me just as happy.

4.) I just got a text from the girls' school, reminding me not to forget that there is no school on August 31st. AUGUST 31ST. AUGUST 31ST. Try as I may, that date just keeps rolling back around year after year. I had forgotten it was so close. Here's my post last year.

Just Another Post about Fear

I love this picture of Grandma. It's always been one of my favorites. She was in her twenties when it was taken, somewhere in California, and is the only picture in existence of her on a beach.

I remember when I was a very little girl, asking her, "But why didn't you look at the camera?" And her answer? She told me she was terrified of the water and was afraid it might pull her in when she wasn't looking. Even as a little girl, I remember that seeming like such a sad answer. She was at the ocean, a place she always wanted to see, and yet she was so afraid of it, she couldn't enjoy or appreciate its beauty.

I realize, sometimes, that's exactly how I approach things in my own life. I talk a lot on here about fear, and that's mainly because it is, and has always been, the greatest obstacle I face in my day to day life. I have allowed fear to hold me back over and over again, and it's only until recently that I have begun trying to face it head on with scripture, books by people/authors I respect, and just being very open and honest about my struggle.

How sad to miss out on life's beauty, our ultimate life, because of fear. Websters says fear means to drive or force by frightening. I don't want to be driven by anything other than God's will for my life. When I'm forced by fear, I'm travelling down paths that were never meant for me. I want to be on His path, doing what He's called me to do, and doing it with a spirit of courage, knowing He means it when he says, ...

because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

I think we all have our own raging sea at our backs. It's so tempting to turn around and stare until it paralyzes us where we are. Believe me... if ever there were an expert in this department, I'm your girl. But I'm working on it. I'm trying to be "strong and courageous."

Oh, and Grandma... water was undoubtedly one of her biggest fears. She was terrified of it. But on July 21st, 1985, she walked out into it, holding my hand and the preacher's, and we were baptized, together. She was sixty-three, and it was the first and last time she ever went under water. Talk about strong and courageous... I had a great example.

Of Falls Past...

I know I shouldn't rush things. But I am chompin' at the bit for fall to arrive in Northwest Arkansas. I appreciate every season, but fall is the one that I anticipate the most and am always sad to see go.

So, I thought I'd try to hurry things up a bit by taking a little walk down memory lane with some snapshots of falls past.





Hurry up, Fall! This family is ready to see you again.