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She walked in the door with the biggest tears in her eyes and asked me to hold her. She wasn't really complaining, but she wouldn't let me let her go for the longest time. Is there anything worse than when your kids are hurting?The whole incident reminded me of my ALL-TIME-WORST Mommy moment. I'm going to share it, but I warn you... you will never think of me the same. You may even be tempted to call DHS. But let me assure you, the guilt and shame I've carried all these years has been punishment enough.
Let the confessional begin...
When Belle was two, we were at Matt's mom's (Gigi's) house. When it was time to leave, Belle decided she wanted to stay and tried to escape into Gigi's room. I told her we had to go and that she needed to come to Mommy. Being the obedient child she was, she burst into tears and ran into Gigi's room again. I brought her out, sat her down, kicking and screaming, and shut the door to the room.
At that moment, the child let out a blood curdling scream. I assumed that is was because I shut the door, and so I popped her little bottom, made her look at me, and said, "You do not pitch fits, Belle."
And that's right about the time that I noticed three of her little fingers were caught in the back of the COMPLETELY CLOSED door. If you're not following me, let me clarify. I. Spanked. My. Child. While. Her. Fingers. Were. Being. Crushed. Inside. A. Closed. Door.
Thank God they didn't break. I honestly don't know if I could have forgiven myself. She recovered quickly, but I didn't. It was definitely one of my darkest mommy days.
But maybe my biggest mistake was confessing the whole thing to Belle not so long ago. That child forgets nothing. So yesterday when I was holding E Dru, Belle came in, looked at her sister's finger, and said, "Hey, Mama. Remember when...."
"Yes, Belle!"
6 comments:
aw poor little finger! hope it gets well soon. as for your story from the past, we've all had moments that weren't our finest. don't feel too bad.
You're not terrible...we've all done things we wish we could take back.
I'm sorry that happened yesterday. Makes me hurt for her too.
And I think the "remembering gene" is strongest in middle children. My middle (bless her sweet heart) forgets NOTHING. And reminds me of things I've said and done (especially the stuff I wish she'd forget) quite often. :)
The things they remember, AND at all the right times! Hey, I just glanced at your followers list and it's growing! Whoo hoo! GREAT things for you this year! I can feel it!
Bless her heart... And I know what you mean, how you felt, granted I was not getting on to Eden Jade or did not spank her, but I did catch 2 of her fingers in the door. I think I cried as much as she did. Granny's just are not supposed to do things like that.
Nothing worse than your babies hurting!
until next time... nel
There was a day that I forgot to feed two of my kids breakfast. And lunch. And didn't feed them dinner until 8pm.
When I became a mom my mother said that there would be days on top of days that I wished I could redo... but that the kids would forgive me over and over and I had to forgive myself.
Life is funny.
Oh, those older children and their memories. It never fails that my oldest (10 year old boy) will remember something at the worst possible time, and invariably it's something that little brother will be shocked or upset by. A part of me thinks I should have him journal his "remember whens" for when we do begin to forget, but then common sense takes over as I hear what he actually remembers!
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