My sweet Estella Dru slammed her little finger in a door at the end of school yesterday. And not the front of the door, but the back... like by the hinges. It doesn't look nearly as bad as it sounds, and nothing was broken... except for her sweet little heart.
She walked in the door with the biggest tears in her eyes and asked me to hold her. She wasn't really complaining, but she wouldn't let me let her go for the longest time. Is there anything worse than when your kids are hurting?
The whole incident reminded me of my ALL-TIME-WORST Mommy moment. I'm going to share it, but I warn you... you will never think of me the same. You may even be tempted to call DHS. But let me assure you, the guilt and shame I've carried all these years has been punishment enough.
Let the confessional begin...
When Belle was two, we were at Matt's mom's (Gigi's) house. When it was time to leave, Belle decided she wanted to stay and tried to escape into Gigi's room. I told her we had to go and that she needed to come to Mommy. Being the obedient child she was, she burst into tears and ran into Gigi's room again. I brought her out, sat her down, kicking and screaming, and shut the door to the room.
At that moment, the child let out a blood curdling scream. I assumed that is was because I shut the door, and so I popped her little bottom, made her look at me, and said, "You do not pitch fits, Belle."
And that's right about the time that I noticed three of her little fingers were caught in the back of the COMPLETELY CLOSED door. If you're not following me, let me clarify. I. Spanked. My. Child. While. Her. Fingers. Were. Being. Crushed. Inside. A. Closed. Door.
Thank God they didn't break. I honestly don't know if I could have forgiven myself. She recovered quickly, but I didn't. It was definitely one of my darkest mommy days.
But maybe my biggest mistake was confessing the whole thing to Belle not so long ago. That child forgets nothing. So yesterday when I was holding E Dru, Belle came in, looked at her sister's finger, and said, "Hey, Mama. Remember when...."
1 week ago