Need the Beach

I have no good reason for this posting… other than to say out loud that I need the beach today. A beach that’s far, far away where there are no doctors, nurses, dieticians, needles, or rules to follow. I went to the diabetes clinic again today and found out I have to begin insulin shots twice a day b/c my glucose levels are soaring and won’t come down with diet alone. They made me give myself a shot in the stomach and told me this is something I have to do TWICE a day until Jeb gets here in February.

Furthermore, on my beach, there are no unsettling thoughts of Christmas, money, houses that won’t sell, loved ones whom I desperately miss, and again… needles. Why does that stuff always seem to disappear the second you step onto the beach? And maybe I’m not so much “worried” about things as I feel like they are just sitting around staring at me all day, and if I forget they’re there, they call out and remind me. Ok… that’s worry, isn’t it? I guess it’s up to me to decide whether or not I’m lying on a beach or walking through a desert. There's a quote in my book that I like and need to practice. Knowing and doing are two different things, though. Plus, I'm not nearly as tough as my main character. (I can’t believe I’m actually putting something I wrote out for other eyes to see…. No critiques, please!!!) It’s just funny to me that I can write it but have a hard time living it.

[“Here’s one thing you can know for sure, though.” Mo looked out over the water. “The pain that’s running through you right now is just like that river. Sometime or another it’s gonna flow right on through everybody.” Mo tilted her chin up until Kate’s red, wet eyes peered into her own. “What you gotta remember is… you don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.”

Kate looked back for the trapped leaf, but it was gone. She searched downstream and barely caught a glimpse of the tiny red dot before it disappeared from sight. The determined little leaf was moving again. Moving with the current and other leaves and water bugs and stuff of the river. Moving until another obstacle stood between it and where it was going.]

I guess there will always be obstacles, huh? It's the keeping on moving part that's so hard... beach or no beach.