Your thoughts....

Matt told me a few months ago that he is 'working' on a new blog look for me. Yesterday, he gave me a little preview of what it will look like. I'm excited about it, and at the same time, it has made me really think about this blog.

When I started, I did it to be a cool kid. All my friends were doing it. I loved sharing pictures of my kids, and of course, I love to write. Today, I still love to share pictures of my kids, but for me, writing every single day is a must. And when I write, knowing others are going to be reading my words, I want to write about things I'm passionate about... things that other people can become passionate about like how fun interacting with our kids can be, how life can be amazing and exciting even when it's hard, how to come face to face with seemingly insurmountable obstacles and conquer them, and most of all, I want to tell about how Jesus is the ONLY way I get up out of bed every day and do this life.

I had someone say to me the other day, "Your life is so perfect. Sometimes it's hard to read your blog." And I almost laughed. Ok, I did laugh. I wanted to ask, "Have you ever READ my blog?" I'll be honest, I love my life. I believe with all my heart that I have the most generous, caring, protective, gifted, God-loving, committed, honest husband in the world. I don't deserve him, but God gave him to me anyway. My kids are good. Ok, they're really good. They have their problems... oh my gosh, do they ever, but they are really good kids. I could sit here before this computer and cry my eyes out if I stop long enough and think about all God has given me... but if I went back to the beginning....

If I went into detail about all the nights as a child I cried myself to sleep wondering if I would ever feel adored.... If I told you about how I never really felt worthy of love until I met my husband.... If I talked about my crazy "abandonment" issues and how I irrationally worry every single time someone walks out a door that I might never see them again.... If I really delved into the pain and loss I feel every single day when I so badly want to hear Grandma's voice and just ask her if I'm doing a good job.... or how thoughts of Grandpa alone in that house day in and day out plays on my heart.... MY LIFE IS FAR FROM PERFECT. I touch on all those issues here, and I think that's important. But I do not let that stuff direct me. It's hard. I wish I didn't have to do battle with it, but I do. And that's ok. I have a hope much bigger than all the yuck.

Last year was one of the hardest years of my life. The diagnosis of this disease was insanely difficult for me, and it came in the midst of some already dark days. But very soon after I made a decision. I wasn't going to let that darkness take control of my life. I sought the face of God probably more than I ever had, and in doing so, I completed a major goal and also became very intentional about pouring into my children whether it be baking (which we all love), little projects that make them happy, or just being their crazy mommy. I'm passionate about it. I'm passionate about life and living it for the One who gave it to us. I'm passionate about making the best out of our circumstances and being happy even if it doesn't make sense to be happy.

And I blog about those things.... the things I do that make me happy... that just might make someone else happy. But I want to know from those who read this blog, what sort of things do you enjoy on here? I don't want to bore people. I don't want to do this for nothing. If I'm going to do this, I want to do it for a purpose. I would love to hear the reasons why you read. Do you most enjoy the baking/recipe posts? Family stuff? Spiritual views? What?

I don't get hung up on comments like others might. In fact, Matt is usually the one who tells me that I have comments to read. But this time, I honestly, genuinely want to hear from you. Why do you read and what would you like to see more of?