Creepy Crawly

We are gearing up for Halloween here in the Slaughter house with some creepy, crawly business.

Let's start with 'crawly' first. Shall we?

A GINORMOUS, man-eating spider has spun her web just outside my front door. As I went to tear it down, my children began to scream, "No, Mama! Please! Don't kill it! Don't kill it!" Belle's class had just watched a performance of Charlotte's Web, so she was it utter shock that her heartless mother would even consider such a murderous act.

And so the beast remains. Every time I open the door, she stares at me with her 89843909843098 eyes, just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce.

And now for the 'creepy.'

Last week, Matt and I were sitting on the couch watching Criminal Minds--quite possibly the creepiest show ever--when I heard a rustling noise on the back patio.

Matt, Mr. Deafness, didn't notice. So me, in all my bravery and stealth, got up to investigate, and just as I neared the screen door, this face popped up.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Ok, I didn't actually take this picture, but you get the point.) I. FREAKED. OUT. At first, I screamed, waking all my children. Belle and Dru run into the room. Belle grabs a dust pan. I grab a coconut candle. (Don't judge. It was a panic situation.) Just like those stupid women who run outside and meet certain doom on Criminal Minds, Belle and I rush onto the patio with our deadly weapons while Matt and Estella Dru stand in the living room watching in awe.

As soon as Belle realizes where she is and what is lurking in the bushes, she jumps on top of the patio table and begins to cry. But I continue to search for the beast with my coconut candle in hand. Matt finally comes outside and rescues a tearful Belle, then laughs at me and my weapon of choice.

The possum escaped unharmed only to return twice more to peer inside the house with his beady, glowing eyes. And I know it will be back. The thought is almost more than I can bear. A spider at my front door... a possum at my back.

So very very not cool.