We haven't had a TEXTING WITH MATT post in quite a while. I believe it's time.
I need to give you a bit of background on this one. One of my husband's favorite things to do is cause me to "waste my breath." He will ask a question he already knows the answer to, then play dumb when I try to explain it to him. For example, he will say, "What girl are you talking about?" (Knowing EXACTLY who I am talking about.) I explain, and then he proceeds to pretend like he can't place here. After a five minute conversation when my frustration level is off the charts, he'll start laughing. And I know... I've been had.
Enough background. Here we go. Texting with Matt on a Friday, presented in its original, terrifying grammar.
MATT: Already forgot what you wanted. Can you text it to me
ANG: Half and half, oil, and a hammer to smash jeb's train that he won't let me stop
MATT: What type of oil
MATT: What kind
MATT: I just got you to waste a text. (Insert evil laughter that I didn't witness personally but I KNOW was there.)
ANG: I want a divorce.
2 days ago