I am tired. Tired and overwhelmed. I am in a dip. I hate dips. The last week or so has been difficult. Not only with Grandpa's hospital stay but several other issues that, separate, aren't a big deal. But together, have made a big heap of yuck, and I am flailing somewhere beneath. Grandpa is better. He is home. My Aunt Shirley and Uncle RC are there. I am SO grateful to them. But I feel like I should be there, too. The fact is, I can barely deal with my three kids effectively here at home. It would be disastrous for everyone if I tried to lug them all to Grandpa's for an extended stay. Still, I am consumed with guilt that I am not there. This makes me view cloning in a completely different light. I need another one of me. Not sure the world does, but I've decided it would be most helpful. That way, this me could be sitting here typing this blog post, while the other me does the laundry that has needed to be done for several days now... or changes the diaper that is so full it may fall off all by itself any second now.
It just seems that, recently, every turn produces a new challenge or uncertainty or difficult decision. And I feel utterly and completely unqualified for any of it. These are the points in life when you just say, "God, I can't. Not without you." I am so there. And very ready for a change. ChangeS, actually. Plural. The good thing about dips, though, is that eventually, you climb your way out. Right now, I would prefer an elevator.
4 days ago