A Dream

I had a dream last night. I think probably most people think little if nothing of their dreams. My experiences with dreams, however, have taught me differently. I have come to believe beyond the shadow of a doubt that God speaks to us in dreams if we’ll only listen.

In my dream, I was in an airport with a group of people, none familiar to me. I was about to board a plane and for some reason decided not to. I ran from the airport and, as dreams go, into my one of my Grandpa’s fields. I ran so fast that I ran out of my shoes, but I kept going. Then in the distance, behind me, I heard someone calling my name. I turned to see my Grandma coming fast as she could after me. I kept going, ignoring her, feeling an almost resentment toward her. When I was almost to my Grandpa’s house, I stepped into a patch of thorns and stickers. I fell to the ground and saw my feet were covered in them. I began to cry. Suddenly I realized Grandma had caught up to me. She was sweating and out of breath but dropped to the ground beside me and began feverishly trying to pull the thorns out of my feet as I continued to cry in pain. Then I noticed she was also crying. I remember laying there on my back in the dirt watching her pull out the thorns while tears ran down her face. She was there with me… in my pain. She was there with me.

Grandpa had total knee replacement surgery on Monday morning. The surgery was successful, but he is taking it hard. He is in pain, and the pain medicines are making him confused and hard to control. I was in the hospital all day Monday and got home late at night. There was something about walking into that house without him. Something much too familiar, and I did not like it. I will never forget the drive home after Grandma died… how it felt to walk inside her house without her there, see her chair, smell her smell, find her glasses and crossword puzzle exactly where she’d left them. After getting home from Grandpa's hospital room, emotions hit me without warning, and I think I cried uncontrollably for hours. Seeing Grandpa in so much pain, remembering Grandma the same way in the same hospital, feeling completely helpless to all of it, and feeling too young to let go of a parent. It was so hard. I’ve decided I don’t do ‘hard’ very well. I sat there in that house after Grandpa’s surgery so sad for him and almost perturbed at Grandma that she wasn’t there with me. I cried for her on the bed in my old room and whispered her name because Jeb was asleep next to me. I decided at that moment, that no one but her could ever comfort me the way she could. I needed her.

So, yes, I think God gave me my dream. Call me crazy if you’d like, but I do. Now I’m not saying that she feels the pain I feel. I don’t believe those in Heaven can feel pain, but I do believe that for whatever reason God chose to let me know that I am not alone. And I do know that. But I appreciate the reminder.