Call to Confidence

I lost a little over 15 pounds when I got diabetes.... BY DOING NOTHING BUT EATING AND DRINKING LIKE A MAD WOMAN. I ended up weighing less than I did when Matt and I got married... ten years ago, before children. And then... I found out I was on the brink of death, began insulin, and gained it almost all back. Thanks for saving my life, insulin, but seriously?

Not that I was overweight to start with. I mean, I would LOVE to look the way I did before I had kids... it's a goal of mine, but I'm not crazy obsessed with it.

Or am I?

Every single time I try on something, my immediate thought is... if only I could lose five pounds, I bet it would fit better. Honestly, I can't remember a time when I didn't have that thought... even at my tiniest. It's ridiculous. I'm all about staying fit and looking your best, but where does this never good enough mentality come from? Just this past Sunday, the girls and I were trying on bathing suits in a dressing room, and every single one Belle put on she said these words, "Oh my gosh. My belly looks so fat. Get it off." She is seven.

We will be at the beach on Saturday. As much as I'm looking forward to it, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking... If only I would have worked out harder this last month.... I want to stop being a weirdo. I want to just keep eating healthy, keep going to the gym, and exude confidence. Why is that so hard?

And the truth is, even though I think I'm not passing on this ridiculousness to my daughters, they pick up on everything. And I mean everything. I think, as mommies, we not only have to enforce confidence in our daughters, but we also have to show them that we are confident. NOT easy for me, but essential.

Now please don't get me wrong. I'm not implying that I'm going to go do this and feel ok about it...

(But wow, wouldn't that be good? I'm just sayin'....)

But it does mean, I'm going to do all I can to stay healthy and fit, then try my hardest to be happy with myself whether or not I can fit into those size 4s.

I've seen this quote several times and love it. There's so much truth here.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Maryanne Williamson