My Heart Today-Meeting Expectations

I'm a people pleaser. I wish I wasn't. I've gotten better. Much better. But still today, the stress of thinking I'm not meeting expectations of those who have expectations of me hurts me to the core. I dwell on these 'failures' even if I know the expectations they have are not ones I'm equipped to meet. I know the person God made me to be. It's hard for me to imagine that even my 'quirks' were handmade by the Creator of all, but they were. Still, I wish I could make everyone happy all the time--to never let anyone down. I wish that, but I also understand its impossibility.



I was having one of my 'why can't I please everyone moments' not so long ago and shared my feelings with Matt. The next day he sent me this quote from a book he was reading. It hit home, and I've gone back to it so many times since.





I am so thankful for the circumstances that I was raised up in. Yes, they were trying at times, but the lessons learned are countless. Of course, I still have issues I'm working on--I have difficulty learning to trust people for fear of potential hurt somewhere down the road. I'm working on it. But on the positive side, one hard and fast lesson learned from my past is that all expectation and hope for happiness and anything and everything good should never be placed onto people--even the best of people. Disappointment and resentment will find you quickly and proceed to eat your spirit alive. Even with the greatest of intentions, the best of people will fail you. No one knows the heart of other people except for the One who created them. No one but Him knows the circumstances they're walking through. No one but Him knows what's breaking their hearts. No one but Him can lead them down the paths they need to go. To believe we know better about the way they need to conduct themselves is to believe we know as much about them as God Himself.



In the last couple of weeks, not only have I felt as though I lacked in measuring up to others, but I have also seen first-hand the suffering of people who feel others have let them down. Again, I wish I could make everything happy and beautiful for all of them, but the truth is, there is only One who can. People are flawed. I'm probably the biggest of them all, but I know someone who hasn't a single flaw. Someone who is perfect and equipped in every way to meet the tiniest to the greatest of needs. He can't screw things up. He can't fail us. No one but Him can send the rain.



Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain? Do the skies themselves send down showers? No, it is you, O LORD our God. Therefore our hope is in you, for you are the one who does all this. -Jeremiah 14:22

Missing a place...

I am missing a tiny little community called Santa Rita somewhere in Brazil. My mind goes there all the time. I wonder what's going on in these streets. I wonder if they know we love and pray for them continually. I wonder if their needs are being supplied. I wonder if they understand the depth of God's love for them. I wonder if they realize how much they impacted my life. I am missing this place.

All She Wants to Do is Dance....

Yesterday the girls performed in their first ever dance recital. And it was absolutely precious. Both did a jazz and a hip hop routine, and I just can't describe in enough detail how stinkin' cute it was! I adore their dance teacher, the awesome Ms. Amanda Griffin, and have loved this year in dance. Last night was the culmination of our year, and it was perfect. I know this may be hard to believe, but the Slaughter girls eat UP some stage time. Shocker, huh?

I hope to be able to post video of their actual dances in the future, but for now, here are some snapshots from the night. It hurts me to see them looking so big in all the make up. Just a little glimpse into my future! Lord, help me!

Before we left the house for the big show....





Backstage with Ms. Amanda....



Cousin Lynlee... just adorable....

Another Jeb Video: SOUNDS

I've been trying to capture Jeb doing some of his "sounds" for months now. Today, he brought ME the Flip and actually sat still throughout the performance. Sorry for the lack of a shirt. It was an impromptu filming. At least he's wearing pants this time.

Enjoy.

Decisions, Decisions

I'm just being honest. No pity required. This whole diabetes thing is not fun. I'm dealing. I'm doing. But it's not fun.

Here's the thing. I'm scatter-brained. I'm unorganized. I'm awful at math. Three very bad traits for a diabetic. The worst is probably my math skills. They are so scary sad. I had to have Matt check my checking of Belle's math homework last week. AND SHE'S IN FIRST GRADE!! See, for every meal I eat, I have to figure out the amount of carbs I'll be consuming. Once I figure that out (as if restaurants are so awesome at providing such information), I then have to dial up my shot/insulin pen accordingly. For every 15 carbs, I dial one unit of insulin. That may be super easy for you, but for me, my brain just shuts down. Sometimes I just get extremely frustrated and guess, and the consequences of a bad guess are just no fun.

I have also been known to give myself the correct shot and then forget to eat or get distracted long enough for the insulin to do a number on me. Either way--too high or too low--I just can't describe how it can affect you. The balance has to be considered constantly. I have to check my blood sugars/prick my fingers at least 6 times a day, which is also no fun, especially for someone who is always tapping at a keyboard. But I think my frustrations are the greatest simply about life not being simple. I can't just pick up a bagel and eat it. I can't run out the door without remembering my 'supplies.' I can't eat a little snack in the middle of the day if it has too many carbs without first taking a shot. I can't run through Starbucks without pulling over to take a shot. I miss simple.

And when I shared my frustrations with Matt, this is what he said, “I had to take a little girl to the nurse’s office today at school. She was wearing an insulin pump, and her sugars got too low. Her little hands shook the entire way. She was in second grade.” A second grader. That means she was probably seven years old.

And in an instant, my self-pity turned to me wanting to paint “JERK” across my forehead. There I was complaining about my four months with the disease, being blessed enough to have not even contracted it until age 34, while this precious little child had a lifetime of dealing with it ahead of her. It shut me up. And brought some needed perspective.

I won’t sugarcoat it. It sucks. It takes effort to be well. It’s life changing. But it has a purpose in my life. And I believe that.

Currently, I am trying to decide about an insulin pump. I am sold on the idea. But I can’t decide between the wireless pump (Omnipod) or a pump with wires. Both have their strengths and weaknesses. I’ll let you know when I pick which little accessory will work best for me. I mean, if Nick Jonas can sport one in style, I know I can rock it.

Wired Pump


Wireless Pump (Omnipod)

Jonas Brother Omnipod Picture


If you have any suggestions or experience with these pumps, I would love to hear from you. I want to hear the tried and tested stories. I mean, I'm not going to be truly happy with either until they come in pink, but I'm willing to deal....

Girls' Room Finished... For Real

I have had several people ask me if I have completed the girls' room. (Bless their hearts for caring.) And the answer is... YES! Finally! I do love it, and so do they. It was definitely worth the time and effort. Things went a little slowly after we got home from Brazil. I had a couple projects left to do, but they are now finished! Yay, me!

So, here it is... the finished product. Last time I mention this room, I promise!!

Let's recap...

Beds before (Matt made these beds. Sadly, I do not miss them. Making the top bunk was near impossible.)

Beds after. Again, the headboards are a door we cut in half. The outer edges would not take paint, so I found a great ribbon and glued it around the edges. I re-did the lamp. You can see that before and after here. And the locker was an old locker Matt's dad gave us years ago and had been sitting in our garage holding tools. It is now a functional book locker. By the way, Wal-Mart has an awesome selection of spray paints that work wonders and bring life to things you might assume could NEVER come back to life!

You KNOW I gotta talk about my chandelier. Ok, seriously, I was ASKED about it. Again, the paint is from Wal-Mart. Same color as the book locker. Matt's mom gave us this one, but I have seen tons of them at flea markets just waiting to be dazzled back to life. If you wait, the shades are always going on sale at Hobby Lobby--I added a little bit of black feather boa, and the beads are some I already had hanging around the house.



This is a little area just for the girls to be able to do their homework and be creative. The hooks and wires allow them to display their works of art for everyone to see!


And there you have it. Two happy girls and a very tired Mommy, but there you have it.

Jeb, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I thought I might catch Jeb doing something cute through the screen door today with my Flip. How wrong I was...

I am 99.9% positive that I should be concerned.

Very, very concerned.

No one warned me about life with a boy. I don't think I would have believed them anyway.

P.S. That isn't water.

Mother's Day Sunday

Mother's Day 2010 has been wonderful. As soon as I got out of bed, I noticed a vase full of beautiful flowers waiting for me. After church Matt took us to the U of A for Mommy/Kiddos pictures. It was fun, but we did more playing than picture taking! After lunch at the restaurant of my choice, my sweet family took me to Orange Mango for dessert. YUM. We came home, and Matt took care of the kids so I could have some quiet time to write--something I ALWAYS long for and seldom achieve. And tonight, I get to pick dinner and dessert all over AGAIN! I do believe there is a chocolate mess in my future.

I miss Grandma today, but have already had her with me. As we were trying to rush out the door, I noticed a hole in my sweater. I told Matt to wait on me. I ran to the sewing machine and sewed it back together in less than a minute. As I was walking out the door, I couldn't help but smile. Grandma taught me to sew when I was still in grade school, and just like that, she showed up for me on Mother's Day.

Here Comes Mother's Day 2010

Mother's Day week. Bittersweet for me. A precious friend of mine whose mother is also in Heaven sent me a text this week. It said, "Lonely life without a mom. Isn't it?" My response, "It sort of sucks." Yes, I have SO MUCH to be thankful for in my life, and BELIEVE ME, I am. But I'm just being honest, doing life without your mother... it does... it sort of sucks.

Last night Estella Dru and I had been talking a little bit about Grandma, "Memaw" to her. A few hours later when I went to tuck her in bed and pray with her, she was wiping tears away. When I asked her what was wrong, this is what she said, "Mommy, I know Memaw loved me when I was a baby, but I wanted to see her when I grew up." Whew. Brings tears to my eyes even as I write it.

She is still so loved, even by a little girl who has no real memory of her, but will, for the rest of her life, be affected by the legacy of Iva Burris. Estella may not remember her, but that child feels loved by her. She truly, truly feels it in her precious little heart. For me, that is absolutely incredible.

Early Mother's Day Gift

Mother's Day is just around the corner, and me being the not-too-shy-to-tell-Matt-exactly-what-I-want kind of girl, I did just that. Don't get me wrong--extravagant, I am not. But I have been wanting a necklace with my kids' initials for like... ever. Problem was, they were just too pricey, and I couldn't bring myself to ask for one. UNTIL... I came across this link on one of the blogs I really like. I sent my sweet husband a message that said, (I am cutting and pasting from the email, uncapitalized letters and all....), "This is what I want for mother's day. make it." I may need to work on my subtlety. Truth be told, I was half kidding.

But he did make it!


I absolutely LOVE it, and I almost cried when he gave it to me. The only problem is, I have to be careful to make sure the letters are in the correct position: B, E, J. If backwards, it spells, JEB!! And while I love that little guy, mommy doesn't play favorites!