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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Eight Month Old Fit (Warning: Long Post Ahead)

I had a bit of a revelation the other day. I wrote it down then but have just now decided to share it. By no means do I feel worthy or fit enough to impart any sort of wisdom. Most of the time I feel like a complete mess. But at the same time, another part of me compels me to share when I would really, really rather not. And because I know what, or Who, it is doing the compelling, I have a hard time saying, no. So….

Jeb and I were playing on my bed last week. For a long time he sat contentedly beside me and rummaged through my make-up bag before the mascara tubes and bronzer brushes got boring. Suddenly, he began crawling full-speed toward the edge of the bed. I thought surely he would stop, but… he didn’t. I quickly reached over and grabbed him by the ankle only seconds before he made the harrowing plunge to the floor and certain destruction. But instead of extending me a little gratitude as his rescuer, he proceeded to pitch an all-out, eight month old fit, complete with flailing arms and deafening screams. The harder I held on, the more he struggled to propel himself toward the edge. He had tunnel vision. A single goal. A destination from which an extremely bothersome and unseen hand was keeping him. He was furious and yelled all the louder, though never took the time to actually look back at me. He was focused.

Though the drama was a bit annoying, I almost had to laugh. The little guy had no idea what he was trying to get himself into. And though he couldn’t hear me above his cries of frustration, I kept trying to tell him, “Sweet Boy, if Mommy lets you go, you’re going to fall right on your head. I understand you don’t believe me, but I know something you don’t about what’s ahead of you. And I know you want to go, but I can’t let you take that fall.”

As those words left my mouth, I sat there almost frozen, holding his little ankle. At that moment, I caught an unexpected glimpse of God. My mind began to recall time after time when I pitched a supreme fit over something I wanted… was determined to have… yet, He said, no. I remembered being so furious at Him for not answering my prayers the way I wanted…. like when I prayed to marry a certain boy, or when I prayed those long months for Him to give me a child, or for Him not to take my best friend to Heaven. And each and every time, when He did not let me have the desires of my heart, I kicked and flailed and screamed so loud that I couldn’t hear His voice whispering, “Sweet Girl, if I let you go, you’re going to fall. I understand you don’t believe Me, but I know something you don’t about what’s ahead of you.” I sat there, holding Jeb, humbled beyond words. All those times when He held me back, rescuing me from my own selfish desires… holding me back from what I wanted until the time was right for Him to give me what I needed—His plan for me fulfilled and what ultimately was bigger and better and more than my human mind could have imagined for myself…the thought absolutely overwhelmed me.

I am human, and as I said earlier, a mess most of the time. Hopelessly, hopelessly flawed. I know there will be times when, like Jeb, I will once again unknowingly set myself up for a painful fall. But I believe that He will be there, and just in time, He will reach out His hand and grab me by the ankle. How awesome.

12 comments:

Brandy Matchett said...

WOW, God always knows just how to get your attention and who to speak through. Angela that was great. I heard a quote on t.v earlier that said " We never touch a person so lightly that we dont leave a trace."
To you , you may be just wasting time on the internet blogging but to others who read what you write, it is very inspiring. Thanks for listening to the MAN WHO GRABS US BY THE ANKLES

Sharon said...

How awesome (to quote you!) is right! Thanks for the simple, obvious reminders that some of us so often miss. You do such a great job of relating it all! I love it! You are awesome! I miss you, but enjoy our "blog friendship" with miles between us!

Jill said...

Gosh, Ang - I mean really. You've got such a way of explaining things that just bring to life what you're thinking. That was a great GREAT word for today!!

Liz Herron said...

Thanks Ang...I needed that today. Blessings on you and your family.

Annie said...

you gave paul and i both chills. i read it to him (i always have to read stuff to him) and in the middle he shouts out "she's such a good writer"...seriously, i was trying to read! I had a revelation today too...maybe i'll write about it later.

Nel said...

Ain't God Good!!!
Thanks for sharing.

Elizabeth said...

God, and His plans for us, are so much bigger than we can comprehend. Thanks for the reminder!

Boni said...

Angela! That is amazing how "simple" you make it all seem. I called Travis and read this to him (I read him lots of your posts) and just like he always does he said "She can write...WELL!" We marvel at the ease of your words and how you make what most think as a complicated relationship into such an easy thing to explain to others and understand. Thanks for sharing!

The Hons said...

Ang, that is so great. I am so glad I got on here first thing this morning and read your blog. I would have missed my inspiration for the week. You hit the nail on the head... he never lets us fall, he holds us up until the urge to plunge is gone and then sits us back down again safely and securely in his arms and in his care. Again, thank you so much!!! Love you!

Erica said...

I so needed that this morning. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you!

Cindy said...

Anglea my friend,

What an absolutely beautiful post and comparison of our Father's concern over our lives. I hope you begin to feel more comfortable to share this type of post.

Also, thank you so much for stopping by my blog and leaving such encouraging words. I really appreciate them and I AM doing much better. God IS so faithful!

Have a blessed day.
Cindy

The Black's said...

Thanks Angela for sharing that! I needed it!