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Sunday, February 7, 2010

Stretching

God has been stretching me. I mean, really s-t-t-r-r-r-r-e-e-e-e-t-t-t-t-c-c-c-h-h-ing me. Lately, just 'ok' has not been 'ok'. What has 'worked' for me for years, has not been 'working'. And when I cry, "But, God...," I hear Him speak to my heart, "No buts. I love you. Get up. Get busy. Get over yourself." My best efforts to argue with the creator of the universe are not going as well as one might hope. I enjoy hanging out in my comfortable little corner of the world, you know? Just quietly doing my thing. He gave me a writer's heart, so to some extent, I need that quiet corner to do good with the talents He gave me. But I had grown too comfortable. Too lazy. Too content.

It sort of reminds me of when I lived at home, and Grandma would wake me up in the mornings for school. The first few 'wake up calls' were quiet. "Angela, get up, Honey. Time to go." Ten minutes later (when I'm still in bed), her voice was a little louder, but still sweet. "Angela, get up. You're going to be late." Ten minutes after that, not so sweet. "Angela! Now!" I would roll out of bed with a fire under me. And that's where I am right now. I was hanging out lazily. I heard Him call intently. I am up (though a little apprehensively). There's a fire under me. I do not want to be late for what He has waiting.

One small example among many.... The opportunity has arisen for me to help Matt lead a mission trip next month......... to Brazil. And not Brazil as in Indiana. Brazil as in South America. Had this happened at any other moment than now, I think I would have not only said, "No" but "Heeeeccck No." A trip to Brazil may not seem much to some, but for someone who A.) has difficulty being away from their children for long periods of time, B.) isn't the greatest at talking one-on-one with others about anything much less Jesus, and C.) doesn't fly, it's a big deal. I mean, it would be awesome if I could take my kids with me, drive or teleport there, and just text or email people about Jesus. And I realize suddenly, I am an easy-way-out-taker. And I don't want to be. So, I'm going to kiss my babies goodbye knowing they will be fine without me, get on that plane (though medicated), and do my best to communicate with strangers... who speak Portuguese. And it's going to be hard for me. Really hard. But that's ok.

It's uncomfortable to be stretched. But if it makes me better... if He can use me more... if all of this stretching is the beginning of our new beginning, then I have to be ok with 'uncomfortable.' Because if it makes me better, Lord, break me.

There is an old school song by Morgan Cryar called, Yes. I love the lyrics. Here are a few:

Clutching all I have and hold,
where do I begin?
I lose my grip as I am told,
Lord, you always seem to win
every test of wills
with no contest.
So I trust you with it all,
every piece of me.
I lay it down, await your call,
no more holding back, you see...
You only have to speak,
and the answer is, 'yes.'
Every plan I've ever made,
on the altar now.
I think of all the prayers I've prayed,
and it's dawning on me how,
I talk so much more than you,
now I'll listen.
Make me like your Son instead,
awaiting every word.
He never ran ahead,
only did the things He heard.
Lead me where you will,
I will follow.



8 comments:

sara @ it's good to be queen said...

Angela this is so so good. God is stretching me too, and I so relate. I like the easy way too. I am so trying to learn that it's not about me anyway. God is asking me to pour my life out for Him and it's scary and exciting and good. It's great to see others trying to learn this too. I can't wait to read all about your adventures!

Erica said...

This is awesome! God has really been working on me for the past few months too. I think He's asking me to do some really BIG things and I'm having a hard time with it. It's nice to see that you're answering His call. May He bless you beyond measure because of your obedience.

The Jordon Family said...

Angela I think that is wonderful! I am so much like you in the manner of staying in my comfort zone.. I commend you on doing this and you know you will be so blessed for obeying God. You are a great woman and example for all of us gals.

Aimee Bryan said...

Angela, I'm so proud of you. I will start praying for your adventure today! Leading up to and preparation time, can be just as important. I am a little different. I like living outside the box. I will not lie, I do have reservations. And be comfortable feels really good. BUT God has gifted me with a talent to pick and choose the right projects.

Robyn said...

I can totally see you lovin' on the little ones in Brazil! What an amazing opportunity--I know you will be blessed.

Nel said...

This is wonderful. Sometimes we do get to comfortable. What an opportunity! How awesome to share something like this with Matt. God will truly bless both of you. I am excited for you!

until next time... nel

Sweet Talk said...

That is amazing! We will keep you & Matt (& the kids, of course)in our prayers! Love you guys!

Cindy said...

You Girl Go...
Get Stretched and enjoy!
Yay You!!!