Distraction

This afternoon, I had big plans for writing. I was going to finish a chapter no matter what. I put Jeb in his walker and left him in the living room with his sisters watching cartoons. I told them, "Watch your brother." I was committed. Dedicated. No matter what, I was going to.... (2 minutes and 14 seconds later, this comes walking in...) My camera sits next to my keyboard. This is what I turned and saw. Writing session over. Very cute, my little perpetual distraction.

Estella Dru

Drusy posed for this picture yesterday afternoon for the promise of a brownie. She got two.

Cell Phone Blunder

I am just not that mom who gives her kids anything they want. #1) Because I couldn't if even I wanted to and #2 and mainly) because I love them more than anything in this world and refuse to equip them with the belief that the universe and everything in it (including me) revolves around them. It doesn't. I don't. As a result of my refusal to raise little narcissists, the words "No, honey," can be heard quite often around our home. But.... I just didn't see this one coming. My 6 month old has a love affair my cell phone. LOVES it. Here's a squeaky toy, Jeb... here's a warm, delicious bottle.... here's a really bright, colorful, yummy chewy something..... No. He prefers the hard, silver, no-flavor-whatsoever cell phone.

So, last night on the way home from church, he spotted the phone in my hand. He cried. I said 'no'. (In a sweet baby voice, of course.) He cried some more. I handed it to him. My first mistake. My second mistake was not taking it away from him once we got home. By the time I got to it, I might as well have thrown it into Lake Fayetteville because it was drenched... and I mean soaked through and through in baby slobber and dead as a doornail. Bye bye, cell phone.

Needless to say, I've learned my lesson. No more cell phones to babies. Here's a few pictures of him relishing his victory and hard-sought prize.

Addis

... a shot I got today of Sweet Addis while his mommy and brother and sister were at the doctor. The camera died before I got one of Sophie. (Next time, Soph, I promise.)

I HEART SP

Clearly I do this blog thing for fun. I know there are some blogs out there that use their voice to loudly declare their controversial ideas and views on certain topics. Don't get me wrong, there is a time and place to take a stand, but a stand should be taken wisely and not merely for the purpose of taking it. That being said, every once in a while, I foolishly give in and go read such blogs just to see how mad it can make me. For example, a certain author of a somewhat popular Christian blog (that shall remain nameless) uses her venue to champion the cause of her opinions on such issues as child immunizations, certain aspects of child rearing, certain types of birth control.... The writer is extremely passionate about these issues (not that it's bad to be passionate) but somewhat critical of those who do not adhere to her beliefs. At one point, I summoned up the courage to leave a comment (although I did it as "Anonymous"... I didn't say I'm not a big fat chicken), to which she promptly commented back and put me squarely in my place. I'll be honest. It hurt. In one fell swoop, she indirectly questioned my Christianity and knowledge of the issue I had taken offense to. At that point, I gracefully bowed out of the comment fight, reminded myself that we all have the right to an opinion, and vented my frustrations to Matt. It sort of went something like this, "Who does she think she is? Does SHE wanna talk education? No, I do NOT think she wants to talk education. I'll talk education! And how long has SHE been saved? 9 years old right here, Buddy. 9 years old at church camp. Oh yeah, I said church camp. Does she think she's writing the gospel? Because let me tell you... there is only one of those, and last I checked, she wasn't one of the authors." In short, blogs like that sort of bother me... which in turn, bother Matt.

SO... that being said, I hesitate to post anything on my blog that throws an opinion of mine in anyone's face who may disagree with my point of view. I do hold strong opinions on many issues, but this blog is not and will never be the venue to debate such. It is, however, about what's going on with me, and tonight, what's going on with me is that I simply cannot curb my enthusiasm. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone, but here goes...

I *HEART*

Fun with Baby (Bear Mauling)

It's raining outside, so Jeb and I are stuck indoors. I decided to try to get a few pictures of him with Belle's bear, Monkey, who now resides in Jeb's room. (Matt named the poor animal, so need I say more?) Anyway, our photo session was a flop. The entire time Jeb attacked Monkey like a crazy baby. It was an all-out mauling. Poor, Monkey. He was much safer when he was Belle's. These are the only decent ones I got.









Below are some of the mauling shots. (*No animals were in any way harmed during the taking of these photographs. All parties involved are trained professionals.*)








I love this last one. Rooooaaaar. I... am... baby! Fear me, Beast.

Countdowns

Today is the 29th of August. Two days away from the 31st, and it feels like a countdown to an event I can't stop from happening. I have to be honest and say I never really understood why the anniversary of someone's death was a big deal to those they left behind. Especially after a year or so... I mean, are you not 'used' to the fact that they're gone? Get on with your life already and stop moping, feeling sorry for yourself, wallowing in old sorrow. Then, it happened to me. I lost Grandma, and my perspective on life was altered forever. On August 31st, two days from now, Grandma will have been gone for three years. It doesn't seem possible, yet I know it's true. I haven't talked to her in three years. I haven't seen her face in three years. And since then, every time August has come around, beginning with August 1, the entire month feels like a countdown. I tried to describe it to Matt, and the only way I knew how was to say, it's sort of like, she's not gone yet, but the day I know she's leaving is ticking closer and closer, and I can't do anything to stop it. That is completely irrational, and yes, I know she's gone, but that date... August 31st... it's just hard. I know she's in heaven. I know she's beautiful and happy... so happy, but August 31st still sucks for us down here.

I pulled out her Bible this month. She came to Belle and Estella Dru's baby dedication at church (FBCS) in November, 9 months before she died. It was the day they handed out the Holman Christian Standard Bibles. She got one of the old people, big font versions, and she was so excited about it. Inside I found the baby dedication program with Belle and Dru's pictures. (They were so little, 18 months and 3 months.) She was also excited about following the one-year reading plan and followed it every single day. She had never read completely through the Bible before and complained profusely about Leviticus. (Don't we all...) I found her reading guide today and saw she had marked through every day, missing none. Her last mark was made next to August 29. Today. August 29. (She got sick that night, and the ambulance came the morning of the 30th.)

We are going home this weekend to be with Grandpa. It's a hard day for him, too. Plus his birthday is on Sept 3rd--the day we buried her. (Talk about something that sucks.) He'll be 86. I plan on taking the girls to get flowers and letting them put them on her grave. Belle still tells me she misses her, and Drusy wants to remember her so bad. I think a lot about what she'd think of Jeb. She would adore him. I can just see her holding him. And I think she would think I'm a good mom. Sometimes I think those are the words I want to hear the most from her. "You're doing good, Honey." Although, I'd settle for "Hi."

I just miss her.